I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
