I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
