just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
