I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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