dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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