I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
