I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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