I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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