um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
