you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
