Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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