You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
