What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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