I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
