So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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