M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dignity is for republicans.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
