Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
