So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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