And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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