hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
