Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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