If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
