I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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