I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
