I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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