I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
