I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
