i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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