omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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