So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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