walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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