I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
