DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
