i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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