was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
