he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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