you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
