he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
