Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
