Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
