the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
