I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
