i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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