That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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