You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
