Do vagina's smell?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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