Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
