I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
