I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
