I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
