At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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